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Juice Jam was this past weekend and according to everyone I talked to, it was an absolute blast. Like I mentioned in last year’s Juice Jam column, I’m not a huge fan of it. I’m a perpetually overstimulated person. If I had been there this year, I have no doubt the sound of my fidget keychain would’ve been louder than the actual concert itself.

I have to hand it to University Union, they know how to put on a good show, and not just the comedy show I performed in freshman year (I don’t mean to say I was the funniest one, but… ). They also proved they are absolutely fantastic at rolling with the punches. I mean, I’ve never seen such a rotation of headliners in such a short period of time. If you’re not familiar with what I’m referring to, let me fill you in (cue the tone of a gossip YouTuber).

Okay, so basically, University Union announced their original lineup on Sept. 9, with Maisie Peters, Smino and PARTYNEXTDOOR headlining. Yay! Everyone is so excited. Then, suddenly, PARTYNEXTDOOR is no more. Noooo! Everyone is sad! But it’s okay, because University Union moves fast. No way! On Sept. 17, they announced that Lil Tecca would replace PARTYNEXTDOOR. Hey! Pretty cool! Everyone is happy again. Then … TWO DAYS LATER … Lil Tecca gets injured!? He’s no longer performing at Juice Jam!?

No worries everyone, University Union had yet another headliner in their back pocket: Quavo! The day is saved and then three days later, on Sept. 22, Quavo, Maisie Peters and Smino put on a great show.

Thank goodness, of course, for University Union’s fast response time. But, if this ever happens again, I already have a set list of headliners that I think would make an absolute smash at Juice Jam.

One of my first picks for a Juice Jam headliner is no doubt The Blue Man Group. Sure, maybe they’re not necessarily your classic college campus headliner. But that’s only because no one has been brave enough to book them yet! I feel that they would bring a nice, abstract vibe to the venue. It may not be a “have fun and dance and yell” type of concert, but maybe that’s what this campus needs. Some artistic appreciation. (Speaking of artistic appreciation, I do accept tips for this humor column in the form of chocolate chip cookies. I’ll be on the fifth floor of Bird Library on Wednesdays if you’re feeling particularly appreciative.)

I would also pay a hefty sum to see “Weird Al” Yankovic up there on the Juice Jam stage. As a comedy fan, seeing Weird Al is kind of my equivalent to a five-year-old going to see the “Bluey” stage show. I would be in the front row, squealing and shaking my friends when he starts singing “Like A Surgeon.” I mean, I’m not really sure how many college students are Weird Al fans, but if you’re anything like me, seeing him up there would be life-changing.

This next suggestion isn’t necessarily a musical act, but sometimes it isn’t bad to shake things up. I want to propose bringing in the Impractical Jokers to headline (or even open, I’m not picky). I want to see members Sal, Q, Murr and Joe (wait, no, sorry) do stand up on stage. Maybe even attempt a musical performance, I don’t know. One thing I do know, though, is the Impractical Jokers would make an absolute splash. I mean, Joe came to the Schine Student Center last year and that means we have at least one degree of separation between us and all four performing at next year’s Juice Jam. Plus, they performed here in Syracuse in August! We’re practically there already.

Dear Impractical Jokers,

If you’re reading this, please consider. I’d even take you to Pastabilities (or perhaps a slightly cheaper option) afterward! I’ll even let you prank me, for old time’s sake.

Sincerely,
Sarah Wells

Published on September 25, 2024 at 10:26 pm

Contact Sarah: sswells@syr.edu