While I’d love to say that the past four years have been the greatest of my life, in reality, that wasn’t the case. I haven’t come to terms with how I’m feeling with graduation looming so close and can’t tell whether the tears are from excitement, dread, or relief.

My high school graduation felt like the loss of everything I knew, but this one feels like I’m gaining so much more. A poem I read recently said it perfectly, “gratitude can exist in the same room as sorrow if you have the bravery to allow it.” I’m allowing myself to acknowledge and sit with everything in the fleeting moments of my senior year so that I don’t look back with regret.

It is well known that large institutions like Syracuse University were built with cisgender, white, wealthy men in mind. These notions are still embedded in the curriculum and rules that are enforced on campuses worldwide. Simply admitting students who hold identities outside of this and expecting them to work things out on their own is not enough to fix the decades of exclusion built into society.

Existing and attempting to survive in an institution that was not created for my Black, gender non-conforming, lesbian identity has been exhausting. However, because of this feeling of exclusion and loneliness that the institution emptily tried to fill, I have created some of the most meaningful relationships. I also had the privilege of studying topics that can help me continue loving the communities that mean the most to me. So in a sense, I should thank SU for pushing me to a point where I had to accept I would never fit into the dominant culture here.

After these long four years, the graduating Class of 2022 has truly seen it all. We committed to SU in the wake of the Theta Tau incident when a video surfaced showing fraternity members engaging in behaviors that were “extremely racist, anti-Semitic, homophobic, sexist and hostile toward people with disabilities.” The video made national news and in November of our freshman year, SU suspended 15 of the students involved. During our sophomore year, a string of hate crimes around campus led to the #NotAgainSU movement, which organized both the Barnes Center at The Arch occupation and the sit-in at Crouse-Hinds Hall. We ended our fall 2019 semester with fears of a shooter on campus. And COVID-19 sent us home early the next spring, forcing us to navigate zoom classes and ever-changing campus safety regulations in the fall. It hasn’t been easy, and I don’t think I’d do it this way again.

I don’t think SU will ever fully be a place where students who hold marginalized identities will feel welcome, but there is power to be discovered in that ostracism. And this isn’t to say that you have to roll with the punches and accept the cards dealt to you. I implore students whose voices aren’t regularly heard to do the opposite – fight hard and loud as you can to create the space for those who will come after us.

Personally, I was so fortunate to be able to connect with Women’s and Gender Studies professors who taught courses on ways to decolonize my thinking and navigate a structure built on settler colonialism. My fight here hasn’t been perfect by any means, but I have given it my all and hope others will continue to do the same.

If I can leave the future classes of SU with anything, it would be to encourage them to go enjoy the few sunny days in between the harsh winters. Take advantage of the campus clubs and organizations, as niche as they may be. I had the pleasure of being the Co-President of Qolor Collective – a student-run club for LGBTQ students of color – with my best friend this past semester and it was fulfilling beyond words.

Moreover, take the time to truly get to know yourself, whether this is taking yourself on solo dates, journaling about your day or trying things that are outside your comfort zone. Many students don’t venture out and miss what the city of Syracuse has to offer beyond the main campus. Some of my favorite places to visit include food spots like Mello Velo Cafe, Stella’s Diner, and New Century. I felt luxurious while viewing “Everything, Everywhere All at Once” in the Movie Tavern in Camillus, where I ordered food and drinks to my seat. Capture the moments that make you feel the warmest – your professor bringing their dog to class, the one random warm day in February, anything you can look back on and smile. And at the end of the day, if you can afford to not take things seriously, don’t.

SU was the first home I made on my own. I will forever cherish the memories and people I met here, but I cannot wait to get out into “the real world.” I have grown here in ways I don’t think I’m yet aware of yet, but I know the best is still to come. I have so many beautiful moments in my future. I will experience deeper levels of joy, love, and peace, but I wouldn’t know the depth of those emotions if not for my time exploring them here.

How freeing it is to admit that I do not fully know myself or my future yet.

Tamia Parsons, Class of 2022

Published on May 11, 2022 at 11:54 pm